How Ironic...& not funny.

I don't talk about this much... cuz I said I forgave him & I honestly wanted to just leave it behind us. But you know when you've been wronged by someone you tend to keep the wrong to the forefront of your mind so that you will not be hurt by that wrong again. Years ago (and pretty early in the marriage) he almost cheated on me. He told me she was just a friend from his high school days...an ex girlfriend in fact...but come on. We're in FL, she's back in Chicago. How much damage can be done by them talking every once in a while? I soon found out. I can't describe the pain I felt when I got the email from this strange man...her husband...forwarding my husband's fantasy w/ her...his wife. Of course I told him that contact w/ her was cut off from that point on & had him call to tell her so. So of course she emails me to give even dirtier details, of how they were arranging to meet up when he visited Chicago in the near future. She was an OES sister & pretended to be my friend. To know a sister could hurt me like that...and even worse.. my husband...who was supposed to be my best friend... my Masonic brother....could do that too? And you wonder why I have problems trusting people!

Anyway...so yeah, during the time she was getting to know me...convincing me that she was no threat to my marriage, we talked about my love of music & how my mind has this wealth of knowledge of songs that a lot of people forgot about. She stumped me. She asked about a song, gave a partial lyric, but couldn't remember the title or artist. It sounded soooooo familiar, but I couldn't name it either & it actually bothered me all these years. Yesterday while listening to the slow-jams on iTunes I heard it. The title was very appropriate...to what I should have said when the relationship was 1st revealed. The title was "No", the artist Amusement Park. I wonder if she was ever able to solve her own riddle.

Well he's supposed to be getting married this weekend. He still hasn't said anything to me about it. And how ironic... I turn on iTunes again & hear Prince singing "Adore".....the song we danced our 1st dance to 12 years ago when I believed his lies.

Another friend of mine called me in tears yesterday. He just celebrated New Year's with his new girlfriend, but they went to a place that he previously celebrated with his wife & now he's feeling that he misses his ex-wife. Maybe not really her per se, but the good parts of the relationship they once had. Could I just be going through this because it should officially be over... he's outta my life.... it's outta my hands. Him getting married should close the door of him ever darkening my emotional doorstep again, right? Somehow I just don't get that feeling. I know I don't have those feelings for him any longer...but something just doesn't feel right here & I don't know what it is.