I'm Reaping the Harvest God Promised ME...

Take back what the devil stole from
And I rejoice today.... for I shall recover it all!!

That's a line from "Faithful is our God" by Hezekiah Walker. That line never meant as much to me before as it does right now. Today I am battling.... seriously fighting.... this issue of anger. Fighting to tears... and I HATE IT! I am not an angry person... and I hate the fact that I have been pushed to this emotion!

Last night I went out to my favorite hangout with the intention of dancing by myself (again). I choose to dance by myself because for some reason the guys in this town don't understand when a woman DOESN'T WANT TO BE TOUCHED! A part of the problem may be the music being played now-a-days. I won't get into the raunchy lyrics because they are too many to list here, but let's just say I am not at the stage of life where I get a thrill or excitment in what's supposed to be dancing... where a guy is just ramming his crotch against me!! EEEWWW!!
And to dance with a guy that starts out w/ a little hand holding.... ok, that's acceptable & pretty much expected depending on the music. But fella's... let me give you a hint if you didn't already know ( and clearly a lot of you in SWFL don't!!). If you're dancing with a woman, trying to hold her close & she keeps backing away from you, won't hold any eye contact, keeps looking at everyone dancing around her(& NOT AT YOU!!!), and while she's dancing seems to be scooting away from you.... ugh, maybe she doesn't want to dance with you!?!?! Maybe she doesn't appreciate you trying to caress her skin ( or being molested on the dancefloor). It's situations like this that make me think maybe I should try going to a gay male bar to dance... then I can pretty much be guaranteed that no one will touch me ( that is unless there are lesbians there as well).
So I'm angry about that... but more anger comes in during a simple trip to the bathroom. While doing the responsible thing of washing my hands after using the facilities I placed my purse on the sink next to me & turned to use the hand dryers on the wall. Don't you know this woman had the audacity to pick my purse up & try to walk out with it!!!! I grabbed her by the shoulders & said " UHH.... EXCUSE ME!!! That's mine!" She replies that she was just playing. Hmmph. I told her I am from the South Side of Chicago.... you DO NOT play with a woman's purse like that. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE ON ME! I mean really...she didn't know that I'm a Madea in Training & she was really close to a real fight w/ me. I hate that I was brought to a place where I felt I needed to fight for what was mine. On top of that, what she was stealing has no real monitary value... it's a knock-off Prada bag! Maybe worth $20, but in these hard times maybe $20 would mean something to her. That's besides the point... IT WAS MINE! SHE HAD NO BUSINESS PUTTING HER HANDS ON IT! To know I was so close to being the victim of a crime makes me mad. And here it is like 12 hours after the fact & I'm still mad about it! I really need to let it go. Hopefully I will never run into that woman again.
And then today is Father's Day. Happy Father's Day to any father that may be reading this. My kids are at their father's house today. I don't have a real issue with that. My issue right now is all the fathers at church this morning. All the fathers I see every Sunday at church. How come my kids father can't be like that? I thought that was what I was choosing when I selected what was supposed to be my life mate- A Christian man. Although my own father did not go to church with us, he made sure that WE did go. I resented him for that, but at least he made sure his children were being raised in the Christian faith. I want the same for our children... and it makes me angry that I seem to be the ONLY ONE that feels that way. It bothers me when I can't go to church on Sunday mornings... or whatever day of the week I have to worship the Lord if not on Sunday. It appears he could care less about going to church. When we were together I had to MAKE him go to church with me. I HATED THAT! Now he's out on his own & the kids are with him. He doesn't seem to care that the kids don't go to church while they're with him. I HATE THAT! Sure they say their prayers & grace while with me... but what happens when I'm not around? If, God Forbid, something ever happened to me... will my children not learn about God & his Son because they are with their father? It irritates me that he lives 5-10 minutes from the church where we attend & he doesn't feel it necessary to bring them to church! I'll have to get a court order stating the he needs to bring the kids home on Sundays, or at the very least bring them to the church on Sunday Morning after his visitation. It's really burning me up that my kids aren't in church for no good reason than their dad just didn't feel like bringing them!
UUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!! There's nothing I can do... I have to let it go. Let GO.. LET GOD! Didn't I say that a few months back? LET GO... LET GOD! MY SISTER, you can't handle it. LET GO... LET GOD!
Lord, please help me today. The devil is clearly messing with me because I am clearly getting closer to you. Devil, please leave me alone. Lord, please continue to watch over me & my kids. Please help me with my daily conflicts, my struggles, my problems. Help me to remember that I am indeed stronger than I thought I was. Help me to realize that I am not a doormat to just be walked on... that I am a strong woman. One to admired & loved. When people try to bring me down, help me to keep my head high...higher than they can reach. Help me.