UGH... here it comes again.

You know, once upon a time I used to be excited aboutt Valentine's Day. Wondering what boy at school would give me a carnation or rose... wondering if anyone would ask me to the dance if there was one...wondering if anyone would just ask me out for Valentine's Day at all. When I did have a boyfriend I wondered what special gift he would get for me... how would he present it? You know it looks all sentimental & dramatic on TV & movies... and I never got anything close to it.

1 boyfriend was a Jehovah's Witness...so he didn't celebrate it. But when he saw how disappointed I was that everyone else in school has something from their Valentine & I didn't, he brought me a huge Pink Panther doll on 2/15. Maybe that started my love of the color PINK.

My favorite boyfriend...senior year of high school....I honestly don't think he got me anything for Valentine's day.

The very few other boyfriends I had didn't put much thought into a gift for Valentine's Day... a bunch of flowers & a stuffed animal. It makes me sad to think how their expressions of love are so standard...like there was nothing personal about it. This is what everyone else gets, so you should get it too.

Maybe that's why I started on this sort of hatred toward this fake holiday, because I never really got to enjoy someone expressing a love for me as they show in the media. I was lead to believe that when man proposes marriage he's supposed to buy a ring (hopefully a nice diamond), get down on 1 knee, and ask for your hand. HA!

On Valentine's day you special man was supposed to arrange a wonderful date..... carriage ride through the park, candlelit dinner, moonlight stroll, wonderful concert w/ your favorite singer, SOMETHING SPECIAL. For me, it never happened. It's so sad.

Well I have decided 2010 is going to be a banner year for me. I'm going to cut & color my hair this year. I'm going to get back into my size 12 jeans...maybe even size 10. I'm having the surgery for reconstruction again this year so I can see more of a woman when I look in the mirror. 2010 is going to be different.