Old Friends.... New Friends... someone to talk to....

I don't know why, but people from my past have been in my mind in 1 way or another for a few months. It troubled me because I hadn't spoken to them in years. At this point I wasn't sure if they would remember me... if it would be worth the effort in tracking them down just to say "I thought about you... howya been?" or not. I mean people are put into your past for a reason, right? Sometimes bringing them back into your present is asking for nothing but trouble or confusion. But with certain people, I've felt...I didn't feel right not having them any my circle anymore. I really missed them.
So I searched. I Googled. I Zaba-searched. I even went as far as calling 1 person's mama to track them down ( don't you feel special!). So far the results have been ok...no one's been insulted by my dropping off the face of the earth more than 10 years ago. It was nice to know some had wondered whatever happened to me. Some had heard the rumor that I had died & were relieved to find it incorrect. It's almost like old times talking on the phone... but it's hard because I have to fill in so many blanks on the past. At that point I start thinking "What do I want to reveal & what should I just keep to myself"? But then a real friend wouldn't have to ask that question... would they?
I can say I have 1 real friend. She's been my best friend for more than 30 years & today is the day I celebrate her life... singing old songs & having a slice of chocolate cake or cookies. We can't be together because of the distance between us. But again, when we get on the phone it's like old times. You can't tell by eavsdropping that we haven't seen each other in over 5 years. Hopefully I'll put an end to that drought this year.
I think I missed out on 1 friendship... or maybe it wasn't meant to be. There was this guy.... let's call him "Kevin". I didn't get to know him that well. We worked in the same place, but different departments. Each weekend he would come in to say about 5-10 words to me. I'm so shy I couldn't really start a conversation with him....just an obligatory "Ok, no problem" or whatever was my usual response. One weekend I had M-TV playing in the background & was singing along with T,B, &H "Crossroads". I turned around to see his stunned face, like he was amazed I knew the words ( or at least that particular part...I don't know the whole song). I kinda waited for him to make the typical "Oh, she's a hood-rat" face.... but instead he started singing along w/me! I wish I could have seen MY face looking at this white boy rapping to this gansta-rap ballad. LOL. "Kevin" was cool in my book since then, but I still couldn't talk to him. I would have liked to have lunch w/him one day. Maybe go to a club & dance. Or just plain hang out & talk over a cheeseburger. I've Googled.....I've Zaba-searched....I've failed. I can't find "Kevin". I guess he'll always be the friend that could have been, but I'll keep looking.
NO...I wasn't trying to start an affair or anything....I wasn't able to confirm it cuz I didn't get to know him, but I believe "Kevin" was gay... wouldn't be interested in me if I tried!
With my life being as busy as it is now.... & as busy as it's going to be soon ( did I tell ya'll I'm thinking about going back for a Master's?)...why am I trying to bring more people into my life to be neglected? I don't know. A few years back, Janet Jackson sang "I get so lonley" & I felt the same way. I'm surrounded by people all the time, but I guess I still get lonely for certain friends I once had. I know that saying about people being in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime...blah blah blah. The seasons repeat themselves, don't they? Looks like it's Spring again!