Doors closing all over....

This is going to be one sad, sorry weekend for me. I need release. Releasing a lot of issues that I have, and had been hiding my true feelings. A lot of things are becoming final for me.
Ok - maybe not completely hiding this one, but as far as the loss of my marriage... I think I had been in preperation for that for quite a few years now so it's no big suprise. Although I'm sad at the aspect of the failure, that it didn't work, that I didn't get married with the intention of it ending before death did us part, I think I'm going to be rather relieved when it's all over. Positive aspect: What I thought was true love obviously wasn't. Now I have a better idea of what to look for and what to avoid.
We're losing the house... or rather we lost the house. Of course I couldn't keep it on my income alone. It was quite a struggle to begin with. Admit it, we bought at the wrong time. Is there a positive in this? Only that I felt pressured into buying a house at that time, so it became more of a "buy something quick... find something suitable & jump on it whether you really like it or not" type of deal. Positive aspect: Next time I buy I should be able to buy the type that I really want.
You know, I was told after my son there should be no more children for me. I thought it was because of the damage the boy caused on his way out (causing me to go into emergency surgery for repair!). The issue turned out to be a little deeper than that, and I didn't learn it until about 2-3 years later. It's because the type of cancer I had was hormone receptive. Having another child would increase the chances of recurrence for me. So really, no more kids. I honestly thought that I could just do an IVF with a surrogate if I found one... they just take the 1 egg released each month till 1 works out. Silly me. My friend explained last night how hormones are given so multiple eggs are ovulated & those are harvested & implanted. Hormones... the very thing I'm supposed to stay away from. So now it's final. My boy is my last child. I thought I was alright with just my girl & my boy.. what else was there to try for? But a while back I started feeling like I wanted another baby to care for & I figured the next man & I would do that IVF thing. Positive aspect: I'm still struggling with this one. Perhaps the fact of no more diaper changes?
UGH...you know what else is final? Just finding another man! lol I'm at the weirdest position right now. The guys that have shown interest are either much older, done w/ kids all together, my age & almost done raising their kids so don't want to start over w/ 2 small ones, or doesn't want kids at all. Oh, I didn't tell you about the "wants kids...just not the ones I already have" guy. Yeah- he got cut so quick I can't even remember his name!
The Tyler Perry movie "Madea's Family Reunion" had a character who had two small kids... and she wound up hooking up w/ a FYNE looking man that had a son around the same age as her kids.... AND he was cool w/ her being celebate! Where on earth did she find someone like that??? lol- if only I could be so lucky. But knowing how my life goes, there would eventually be another issue that makes the picture ugly. UGH! Positive Aspect: Being single isn't so bad... no one to check in with, answer to, 1 less bell to answer, 1 less egg to fry....
But today from where I sit I just feel like I'm looking down this long hallway... and every door I'm coming to that I think I want to go in is closing. Maybe I should stop, concentrate on 1 particular door, and make a bee-line straight for it. W/no distractions till I accomplish what it is that I want. Can I do it?