Don't touch me....it hurts

Today on my message board they talked about different quirks that people have. Some people can't stand when food touches. Some can't drink milk 3 days before the expiration date. One of my quirks... I don't like to be touched.
During the chemo stage when I was in the process of losing my nails... it hurt to wear socks. It hurt to type. It hurt to comb my daughter's hair. It just plain hurt to touch anything. Then there was pain in my shoulders.... where I just wanted to do the Nestea plunge into a pool of water or cotton candy or something soft... because everything just hurt and I just wanted to float for a while. And of course with everything I was having to endure at the time people would want to come up & hug me or at the very least a pat on the shoulder. I wanted to run... but it would hurt. I just didn't want to be touched at all.
In 2005 we had a family reunion that I was regretting because of the people I hadn't seen in years who would want to hug me. UGH... I almost didn't want to go at all!
Of course it doesn't help when the person that says they love you doesn't believe when you try to explain your pain... so they do things to hurt you even more.
So here it is 4 years later. I would prefer not to wear shoes or socks....but I will when I'm out. My fingers are ok, except when I'm braiding her hair. After a while I regret starting it & just push my way through it. My baby girl has to be pretty, right?
But hugs? Kisses? General affection? I'm still no good at it. The kids try to hug me... & I have to catch myself in mid-thought...thinking "do I HAVE to hug you again???". Yes... you're the mom, you HAVE to give hugs to the kids! And what about your new man? How can I have a man in my life without the hugs, kisses, & such? It's not possible. Maybe the issue is more of the fact that I can't initiate it. Then again I haven't had any real incentive to initiate anything recently. Nothing is happening. In recent months I've hugged a few people. I've enjoyed a kiss or 2. But I never started it. There's something about me that just draws people in.. and sometimes I just want to turn it off!
I'm taking baby steps. After a request for a hug...a long hug... a gentle caress...stroking my hair.. small kiss here...that's not so bad. Yeah- it all starts out nice...it's taking it further that scares me. It's letting someone get that close again that scares me. I don't know when I'll be able to do that again. It hurts to much. I told my husband it hurts...I've told others it hurts. Maybe I need to learn to be more assertive as I'm not being heard or taken seriously. Life shouldn't be so hard.
My daughter came up to me today & gave me an eskimo kiss. That was the sweetest thing I've had in a while. Minimal contact.