Wanting something new?

Not really... but that's the name of the movie I'm watching. "Something New" starring Sanaa Lathan & Simon Baker. A successful black woman about to start dating a white guy for the 1st time in her life. Her apprehension to the subject is very similar to mine, but not exactly. I mean they had a blind date at Starbucks & she walked around saying things like "What's up Brutha" & "Girl you are wearing those locs" to the black people she sees. I wouldn't take it that far.
But this guy in the movie.... yeah, he's hot. If he walked into my life I don't think I would be hesitant about dating him. But then again, my attraction to this character isn't because he's the white guy. He's nice, sensitive to her issues, hard working... I don't know if he can dance though. lol Of course the ability to keep a beat is important to me. I would be attacted to his character if he were black, white, Puerto Rican....whatever.
But really... 1st he's just the average white guy at Starbucks that she doesn't like... then he turns out to be this wonderful landscaping architect who reconstructs her backyard into something wonderful! And while she tries to keep that wall of professionality between them, he forces her to try something new...to go hiking with him. Like me she says "that'll be a double no" but with the loss of a coin toss she goes & it appears she had a good time. After that 1st kiss she tried to tell him that it won't be going any further and she gets out of the car & walks into her condo. A few dramatic seconds later she answers the knock at the door & there he is. He pushes his way into her place, grabbing & kissing her. Rather forceful, but in a way sort of hot!
But I just like the idea that he saw how hard she works & doesn't take the time to have fun... and forced her to try hiking. Now I want to try hiking, but don't know where to go or how to get started! I like the way he talks to her & WITH her. Maybe I'm just lonely...having no one around to talk to.
But then they have an arguement in the grocery store over a race issue....how she's being treated at work. She wants to talk about it (the Black tax...I never heard of it, but thanks for the enlightenment!) & he doesn't want to talk about anything racial... he just wants to relax. I don't see anything wrong with his side of the arguement, but she kind of blew it out of proportion & they decide it's not working.
Then of course she goes on ONE date with a black guy & now when he comes back 2 weeks later to apologize & try to work things out she turns him down. But then she sees him at an event a few weeks later with another woman & has an asthma attack. A clear case of wanting what we can't have.

One of these days I'm going to have to make a clear definition of what it is I want. What I'm looking for, if I'm looking at all. What it is I'll accept. I look at the lounge chair in her backyard that he designed for her to relax in. I need to relax. I need something like that. I need to be able to just let go sometimes . I wish I had a backyard with that type of set up to just play some jazz, have a glass of wine, & just mellow out for a while. Then again...what happened to our smooth jazz station anyway? Today I tuned in & they weren't there! UGH! No warning whatsoever.

Out of my hands... again.

I get so upset when I see thing going the wrong way & I can't control it no matter my efforts. This issue is nothing new & should have been expected, but I keep wanting to see the good in people & it obviously isn't there anymore.
So we're fighting about his visitation time & the kids going to church every week causes a conflict. Seeing how they're not going to church by MY order but in order to learn God's will I didn't think it would be a bad thing for them to come to their fathers home a bit late. Well it was. He's arguing that I'm wasting his visitation time by taking the kids to church without his permission. He suggested they go only every other week so that he can have his time with them. In his own words "I thought that what little time I spend with my children should also be important and I too offer them the right path to go on so no I can't loose every Sunday to their religious teaching.". That's right... he can't lose time with the kids to God. Offering them the right path?? How? Playing in the yard? Watching movies? Veggie-Tales can only do so much!
But today I had to come down off my soap box & leave it in His hands as to what is right or wrong. I just don't understand how someone that was brought up in the church himself can stray so far from it. Please pray for my kids. Pray for me. Pray that he comes back to the person he was supposed to be.