SHAKE YOURSELF LOOSE!

I just got into that song by Vicki Winans. I heard it a while ago & it never sunk in until now when I really listen to the words.
"I want you to know you're about to break free.
Jesus took the keys & gave them to you.
SHAKE LOOSE everything that binds you up
Who told that you can't make it when God that you can take it..
SHAKE LOOSE everything that binds you up
Praise him like it's your last chance
Get up & do the day- let's dance.
Don't let the enemy keep you & bind you... Praise your way through. Come on & Shake loose.
Every worry, every care- Praise your way though. Come on & shake loose.
Those chains that bind you should only remind you to praise your way through. Come on & Shake Loose.
Problems? Know that HE will solve them. Praise your way through. Come on & Shake Loose!
SHAKE YOURSELF LOOSE!"

I've come to the realization that I do need to work on letting go & letting God. I think I do pretty good in some instances, but I still keep wondering "WHY" in my mind. Why did this happen? Why did someone else do what they did? Why is what I do never good enough? hmmm What is it going to take for me to realize that I am NOT SuperMom & I cannot control all things. I barely know what I'm going to be doing 2 hours from now, let alone what someone else will do. I can stand over my children & correct their actions if I see them about to take a mistep- but teens & adults? Nope- that's out of my jurisdiction.
I am grateful for the gift of friends. Last night I was priveledged enough to have a few friends come by. 1 friend brought me a gift for my birthday.... a set of mini- photo albums. She says she knows I like to take pictures & hoped I would like it. The covers of the albums is PINK. OF COURSE I LOVE IT! At the same time it sort of hurt that here this woman that I might talk to maybe once or twice a month for a few minutes at a time was able to remember something I like & picked out a great gift for me. Someone else was not able to get (or even make) a Christmas gift for me, saying he didn't know what to get me. Sounds to me like I lived with someone for 10 years that never took the time to get to know me at all. I could harp on this for days... but I won't. It'll take too much time & energy. It's not even worth it. I'm shaking myself loose from this relationship that held me bound, not allowing me to be what I wanted because I had to make others happy. Now as long as the kids are happy, clothed & fed I can do what I wish to make Ouida happy as well. I can truely be the head of my household & not step on any toes. Let's just see how far it takes me. I know it's not an easy road, but it's not completely desolate. Others have traveled it & gotten where they needed to go...I can too.
Until I blog again- be blessed!

Do You Believe in Love?

I just heard an old song on the radio by Huey Lewis & The News. "Do you believe in love? Do you believe it's true? Do you believe in love... cuz you're making me beleive it it too". I think I was around 10 or 11 when that song came out... and that's about the time I experienced my 1st crush. There was this boy I ... I don't know what I wanted. I wanted to be his girlfriend, but I wasn't doing anything big & heavy. 10 years old? Come on. It would have been a big deal for a boy to hold my hand at that point! Anyway- I can remember listening to that song... wondering if that boy could ever love me the way I thought I loved him. For someone that didn't know what love was...well I guess he did. As I grew older I've found that boys tend to tease the girls they really like... they pull hair, they dunk them in the snow, sometimes even just plain ignore them when they really like them. Hmmm. Where is he now?
Do I believe in love? Yeah, it can happen. It did happen... but it got ruined. This love is damaged beyond repair. Do I want to find love again? That's kind of like asking a dog owner will they buy another dog after losing their beloved pet of so many years. It's not something you can imagine as replacable. It's not something you can just go get another one & it'll work just as good. I sort of feel sorry for any man that may try to get involved w/ me in the future. I mean I know all men are not the same nor do they act the same & have the same habits. I know what it's like to be constantly compared to someone from the past and made to pay for their mistakes. I will try not to do the same to Mr. Next Man... but I guess you can say I'd be sort of scared of making the same mistakes I've seen others make. That's why I vowing (to myself & the few that read the blog) that I will be single for at least the next 5 years as I re-learn what I am about & continue to make myself faster, better, stronger..... That That That That that don't kill me.. can only make me stronger. I need you to hurry up now...cuz I can't wait much longer! lol
So I'm not a comedian... never said I was!
On the grateful tip... Today I am grateful for the MANY BLESSINGS God has graced me with in the past week. So many things should have had me crying "Woe is me" & "nothing is working out". But my God continues to make a way out of no way. I didn't get the chance to post on all of them, but I know that whoever said there is no God is a bold-faced LIAR!
Til next time I blog.... be blessed.

I'M PUBLISHED!!

Here ya go! I'm an instant celebrity.... for the month of October! This ad is found in Fit Pregnancy Magazine. To bad I don't know anyone that's pregnant right now!

Looking at the other 7 women chosen in this contest made me feel even more special. Out of this national contest of 'power moms' I'm the only woman of color! I'm like Storm in the X-men!

I miss Gerald....

I know I don't need to be in a relationship right now. I need to get to know myself again. But there are times when I wish I did have that someone special... to sit & listen to music with... to call on the phone & watch the football game with.... to go for walks... to help keep me motivated to exercise more... just plain someone to have fun with. I was listening to the late Gerald Levert sing an old song where he says " I'd give anything & everything to fall in love".I feel like that as a good feeling, but I know it's not going to happen because I don't even want anyone touching me right now, but I do kinda miss being able to say it & mean it. I miss hearing it & trusting it. I got several issues..... but I know bringing someone else into my circle is not the answer.... well no one of this earth anyway.

"Let me clear my thoat"

Nope, not throat. The guy says "thoat". That is the song I heard on the way home this evening as I thought about how I would put into words the blessing I received today.
This morning I thought I would blog about friendship... how hard it is to find a real friend... how sometimes you have friends you don't even realize are real friends. I have been participating on an online message board with a group of women who all had children around the same time I did. We've been chatting since 2004 so we kind of know each other well. I would know them better if it weren't for this doggone short term memory loss! Anyway, of course with all I've been going through they know the trauma I've been experiencing since, oh let's say 2004. They've been there to help me keep my head up. They've prayed for me. They've sent a gift when they thought I would be down in the dumps. They are a great set of friends.... and I've only met maybe 20% of them in person!
Yesterday one of them sent me an email asking how I was doing. I read it like "How are you reeeally feeling". She goes on to say something to the effect of I always sound so cheery & upbeat on the message board, but that can't possibly be true. I kind of had to laugh... I'm being accused of putting on a brave face for a bunch of people that can't see me anyway!
I wrote her back- explaining that my spirituality has greatly increased in the past few years and I do not believe my God would abandon me at this time of need. Things may be hard for the moment, but it'll be easier once I get over the mountain. Think about it. If you've been reading this blog since I started, I've already explained some of my trials & tribulations. How much more does a woman have to go through? I'm not saying that everything in my future is going to be roses, but I think I've been through the "hard" & came throw it fine. I should be able to handle anything else coming my way as well.
So I thought my daily blog blessing was going to be about friendship. But a stop at a small beauty supply changed all that.
Today I am thankful for a God that makes a way out of what I think it no way!
I've heard great things about a product called Surge Hair Revitalizer Plus 14. Supposedly helps even stubborn hair to grow- great detangler, blah,blah, blah. Since I can't be a product junkie on my own hair anymore I decided to switch the attention to my kids heads. My daughter has developed an extreme case of tender-headedness & my son just doesn't like to sit still long enough to braid his hair. I wanted to get this magic potion & try it out... but it seemed unavailable. Every store I went into & online it was no longer being sold or they've run out. Just at a time I was about to give up & possibly buy it from the highway robbers on eBay, I stopped at that small beauty supply & found a shelf full of the particular product I'd been searching for. He may not come when you want him, but he's always ontime!
Until I blog again, be blessed.

Another suprise blessing

Well I called the cell phone company last night to acknowledge the past due amount owed on the account. I explained to the cust. serv. rep. that there was absolutely no way I could make payment in full in any time soon... so go ahead & discontinue the service. I explained my personal situation that brought me to the state of being unable to pay the bill. She transfered me to another dept. where I had to explain the situation again. This time the rep went ahead & changed my service plan and added a bunch of credits to my account.... therefore bringing the total amount due down by 74%!!! Still not an amount I can write a check out for right now... but possibly by October 1st! WOW.
I am thankful for customer service rep that take the time to listen to customers in distress & need help. This is one of those situations of where a door closes & God opens a window.

And by the way.... just in case anyone is wondering how the locs are looking today...

Would have been better looking if I had used one of my Brunsli ties!

Can't Squeeze Blood from a Turnip!

What am I grateful for today? This may sound weird, but my cell phone got cut off. It's one of those expenses that is not extremely needful... just a convenience. So now I have this balance of over $300 ( thanks a lot for the help dear!) in which AT & T will have to just sit back and accept the $10-20 bucks I can afford to send them! I'm not worried about being out of contact with the world. Friends & family always know where & how to find me. Take the phone. The only thing I will miss is being able to take a quick picture of the weird things I see on the street & such. Moving onward & upward.... when I do sign up for a new cellular phone service I will get a phone I like that has an MP3 Player, Camera & video phone.... maybe even an FM Radio tuner. LOL!

Time for a switch up....

Ok... so it's been a full year since I changed my hair. It's locked. It's growing. I don't know how much more I can really blog about just my hair. Don't get me wrong... I'm loving it, but just can't think of what more to say on a daily or weekly basis that may not have been covered previously by other bloggers. Face facts, even though some people like to think I'm a "Supermom", when it comes to the loc-blog I'm just not that popular.


So instead of just completely throwing in the towel, I'll do something different. I'll invite you to peek in as I blog about the things I am grateful for. Yesterday at church our pastor ( John Baschieri- New Life Assembly) mentioned keeping a Gratefulness journal. This way when you're having a bad day you can look back on the good things you have written down. With all I'm going through recently I think it's not a bad idea.


Today- 9-17-07 is my cousin Ricky's birthday. Happy Birthday Cuz.


Today I am thankful as I came from my 6 month appt. for blood work at my oncologist's office- lots of nurses were happy to see me, say I'm looking great, congrats on the contest win, & most importantly my bloodwork is completely normal....no anemia, no high cell counts, no low cell counts.... FINALLY some good news. For years I kept hearing the white cell counts are low, I'm anemic, I need more iron, I need this, I need that...blah, blah, blah. I need to take my health more seriously I know!


Last week I sort of started working out again. Not anything major with weights or lots of time at the gym. I do a power walk on the treadmill for 20-30 min. 1 day a week ( maybe 2 if I find the time) I can do the Gospel Aerobics DVD I got from the library ( Donna Richardson's). Not only does my body get a work out, but my spirit as well. How can you possibly go wrong when it starts out with Kirk Franklin's "Hosanna"?


I am also thankful that I did not have to pay a lot for the dress I will wear for that Pink Tie Ball I'm attending in October. Here I was worried & fretting about spending more than $100 on the dress... money I don't really have.... when I went to Dillard's & found their prom dresses on the clearance rack. Here it is.. for $18!! & the fit is great. Maybe a lil tight around the hips, but I'm working on that... but just not ready to take a picture IN it for you yet.

Now all I have to think about are accessories & shoes!
Ok, I'm going to go waste time doing other things on the net now... until I blog again, be blessed!