Ever get to that point....(another open letter)

Where you just don't care about not hurting someone's feelings anymore? Ever get to that point where you feel you really need to say what you want to say... get it off your chest? Ever get to that point where you want to tell someone you once admired how freakin' stupid they are?
Somehow I'm the bad one in this divorce, simply because I won't play by his rules. Yes we had an agreement for week long visitation between the kids & their dad for the summer. That agreement was made last summer. That agreement was made based on the contingent that his schedule was supposed to change to allow him to be home with the children during the evenings. Right now he works 4pm-midnight. The kids are in school during the day. Does it make sense for them to spend the rest of the day with a babysitter??? WHAT KIND OF VISITATION IS THAT?? I wouldn't care if the babysitter was their own grandmother... my mom or yours! If 1 parent is not available for more than 8 hours a day & the other parent is, the kids should be with THE AVAILABLE PARENT! It just makes no sense to me....
And we got that diagnosis of autism to deal with. The dr. told me he didn't think week long visitation between two houses was a good idea. His report even states that "With his medical needs he will require a consistent environment with a high degree of predictability". Yet you want to put your son through 1 week here, 1 week there, back & forth just so you can punch a custody time card! I find it very interesting that you claimed to want to be involved in these dr. visits, but never made a single appointment until AFTER I told you that the dr. didn't think the week long visitation was a good idea. I guess you came in to see if I was telling the truth ( and after being married to me for 11 years you should have known I don't lie like you do!!). And now you want special dr. visits for you & your girlfriend to have therapy with OUR son... without me.That's very beneficial for the child... thanks! Not only that.... you are wasting the 20 allowed visits by my insurance for your selfishness. Do you care??? Of course not.
You don't think of anyone but yourself & it's not fair. Not only to me... I'm not even thinking about me at this moment. THINK OF YOUR KIDS! You know what... think of your girlfriend for a minute. Was it fair for you to have her at court with you today... standing out in the hot 90 degree weather waiting for you to come out because you didn't want her in the court room? Was she supposed to be unseen? Was I not supposed to know your entourage made a 2nd court appearance? Tell them if they don't want to be seen then they shouldn't appear! Either that or maybe hang out further than just 2 blocks away from the court house. DUH! All of you deserve each other.
I hope one day she surfs the web... or maybe you will read this, think it's funny & show her, and I hope she will see this as a warning as to the type of man you are. I don't know how many times I had been warned & I fooled myself into thinking "Oh, he wouldn't do me like that.... they just don't understand him". "He only lies to them because they always try to hurt him... he wouldn't lie to me..." Girl, be thankful you are too old to have kids w/ him... but before he digs into your money (if you have any) RUNNNNNNNN!

Pathalogical Liars...

Why don't they ever realize that they do more harm to themselves than good? I mean do they ever take the time to even think about the nonsense that they lie about?
My husband... soon to be ex husband... has told lots of lies through out our marriage. As a matter of fact I think the downhill slide of the happy marriage I was in was the very day that my eyes were opened to the fact that he would lie to me the same way he lies to everyone else.
So our son had a doctor's appointment scheduled for this morning. Over the weekend I emailed him (because simply talking to him does me no good) to ask if he will be taking him to the doctor or if I should just pick him up. After all, he did say he wanted to be involved in his therapy. He responded that he would take him. Then around 8am I get a call from him that he needed to get his car worked on, so he wouldn't be able to join us....I needed to pick the child up to take him to therapy. Ok... no big deal. I pretty expected him to flake out on us again anyway. What I didn't expect was to be shown the truth when we arrived at the doctor's office. That he had set a seperate appointment for our son to attend therapy with him and his girlfriend with out my presence. He has yet to just come out & say to me that he doesn't want to do the therapy with our son with me... he'd rather be a sneak about it.
I am rather let down that this big supposedly strong man that I once admired, loved, and possibly looked up to is now behaving like a coward, scared to be in the same room with me. Is it really that bad??
Well the silver lining in this will be that our son will get twice as much therapy because once the divorce is final, dad will have to establish his own insurance to cover the extra visits he wants.

1st a Barbie Girl....

Now I'm a Cover Girl. No, not the make-up. I made it as a model on the cover of a magazine. Even though the magazine is unpublished, it's still a magazine & look.... it's me on the cover! lol
I should just print these for prosperity. BTW... notice I did by the tee-shirt especially made for me!

Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Doncha just love it when you voice your opinion about something.... thinking the conversation will go no further than the few people involved... only to find the person who is the subject of your conversation was standing within earshot? lol

Well let's put it this way... I'm glad I'm not the type of person to say things to 1 person & then can't back it up when confronted about it. If I said I liked you... then I did. If I said I didn't like you, well let's figure out WHY I don't like you, then you can decide if it's worth the time & effort to get me to like you. I am generally a very friendly person. I pretty much like everyone until I am shown a real reason NOT to like you.

Ok, I'm somewhat rambling here... but I know what I'm trying to say. I guess I'll give it another try when my head clears.

MY Last Dance?

So this past weekend a cousin of mine was visiting and we did some out of the ordinary for us clubbing. Growing up we were both going out to the clubs.... just never together! We had a great time dancing on the same floor sort of together and dancing w/ other people. Kinda like a group of friends all dancing together. Then of course there's some moderately slow song comes on & this guy grabs me by the hand to dance w/ him. As I'm swaying w/ him I'm completely not thinking about him at all ( sorry if you're my stalker and are reading this). Instead I think about how they do those waltz type dances on "So You Think You Can Dance" or "Dancing with the Stars". How those dances look so romantic. I thought about some of my favorite slow songs to dance to. I'm so old school- I thought about the Temptations "I'm Glad There is You" and "Some Enchanted Evening". I remembered one particular evening where I tried to get my own husband to dance w/ me at home to that song. Here I am trying to be all romantical (lol) and you know, it felt just the same as dancing w/ this stranger.... no real feelings at all. Well, at least I know I tried to spark some sort of romantic feeling before the marriage ended.
Another thing... I love how couples do those turns & dips while they're dancing. I always wished I had a dance partner that could do stuff like that. Last year I asked a friend how mine how do men manage to dance & twirl a woman like that. He used me as an example and pointed out that I have to let go of the control... let the man lead. Sure enough when I stopped thinking about what I wanted to do and just moved along with whatever he wanted, there we were. Dancing & twirling around like I had always wanted to do. So all I had to do is let go & let the man lead. Now I have clearly identified my problem.... I haven't found a man that I trust enough to lead me where I want to go. No man on this earth anyway.

My love life as a movie

Your Love Life is Like Titanic

"Promise me you'll survive. That you won't give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless." You think that you only really have one true love in your life. And that you better to anything and everything to be with that person. You tend to be very nostalgic about past loves that didn't work out. There are many secret feelings that you keep to yourself. Your love style: Deep and emotional Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Bittersweet

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

My interpretation: Long, drawn out, entertaining but sad at some points, but leaves you feeling very hopeful & empowered. LOL

Don't worry- I'm not a stalker

OK, it's been a full week since that latest discovery of a wonderful guy by the name of Khari. I put my feelings out there, without a care as to who sees them. It's how I felt at the moment.
I can honestly say the initial crush has died down a bit ...when reality hit me that he's clear across the country & highly not likely that we would give any performances in my neck of the woods. Plus I don't beleive I would be his type anyway. If he is looking at all, I don't think I would be what he's looking for. But that's my issue w/ myself. I'll get over it.
In the meantime, it was nice to at least experience that joyous feeling of "OMG you are so fine you gotta be mine!" for even a few moments. Now I can get back my real assignment, in really re-discovering who I am, what I like, and what I want!

So Khari da Poet- I'm loving your work. You're good at what you do. I'm sure you get all kinds of emails, texts, notes, smoke signals from across the country from women stating "You wrote that poem just for me!! Thank you- I'm YOURS!". LOL, don't worry about this one here. I'm not your latest stalker. You won't wake up in the middle of the night & find me sitting at the edge of your bed watching you sleep. You're safe. But I'll continue dreaming of one day actually being able to see a performance from you....amoung other things .

Internet Crush??

Could it be?? Is it possible?

Curvy and Confident - Khari

The artist/poet is Khari. Khari da poet.

My sister introduced him to me last night over dinner. At first I wasn't really paying attention, but his voice commanded I do so. His presence had me glued to the monitor. He had definitely entered my mind... and there he stayed. So I spent a conciderable amount of time finding him all over the 'net... mostly on myspace and as a member of Black Planet. He's definitely got his face out there- hope he doesn't mind my slight attempt at helping to promote him
It's been 24 hours now & I find myself daydreaming like I used to back in the wearing 1 glove for my future husband Michael Jackson days. I can't say I've felt this way in a while & I haven't even met the brutha! Well maybe I should just spend a little time into trying to make it happen. With today's technology, who know's who might be willing to hook me up!

Hmm... some may ask whatever happened with Punk? Yeah I would be nice to meet him... but honestly Punk didn't touch me, he didn't speak to me, he didn't do anything for me like this brutha right here! Sorry... but I'm still waiting for him to contact me anyway. COME ON DAVID!

Where are you?

Hmmm.... recently someone commented that they visited my blog & didn't see any pictures of me. That tells me 2 things. I've been spending too much time just talking about what's on my mind... what's bothering me... and that person didn't bother to go too deep into the blog! DUDE!! It started out as a hair blog- nothing but pictures of me!! lol

Well here's me on a night when I felt really cute. I was on my way out... to the club of of course. I can remember having a lot of fun dancing that night. Still disgusted that guys don't know how to dance w/ a woman without having to grope her, but it's alright. My 2 legs still work & these Converse Chuck Taylors were made for walking. NO I DIDN'T WEAR THEM WITH THIS OUTFIT but you get my point.

2 of my favorite things pictured here.... my favorite friend & my favorite hat! We've been best friend since Kindergarten....she's stuck w/me now!

A friend of mine sent me a You-tube link to a video from an artist named Taurus Riley. The name of the song is "She's Royal". That night the song truly lifted my spirits... simply because of lyrics like :

She’s royal, yeah so royal

And, I want her in my life.

I never knew anyone so one-of-a-kind,

no...The way she move to her own beat

She has the qualities of a queen, She’s a queen so (supreme..2)Ooo Ooo

what a natural beauty

Nuh need no make-up to be a cutie...She’s a queen, she’s a queen

And when they ask what a good woman’s made of

She’s not afraid and ashamed of who she is?

She’s Royal, yea so Royal.

And I need her in my life. Never knew anyone so one of a kind

Until the light that I see in her eyes...

Oooh, sing it brother man! Finally I felt validated for not being a make-up slave! Special occasions... sure! But I'm glad that there is a man that can recognize a beautiful face without all the war-paint that is pushed on our society today. Thank you Taurus.... and thank you...you know who.

So my question today... it where is the king that can truely appreciate the unhidden beauty seen before you? lol That's alright. I'm just looking for a friend right now anyway.

Tune in next time when I talk about the Prototypes I've created....