From this day forward....

You know.. before I met Dwain I was fine in my angry world. I wasn't interested in trying to date anyone. I wasn't trying to meet anyone. I was concentrating on school, work, & my kids. Then school ended... & I guess because he was looking for someone he convinced me that6 months alone after seperation was enough time to heal & it would be ok for me to date again. He was sooooo wrong.
So I followed his advice & started seeing guys & I can honestly admit that it is one of the greatest regrets in my life! I felt so much better... safer...in my box alone. No one to lie to me. No one to play Jedi mind tricks on me. I had my kids who needed me. I had ME that needed me. I didn't really need anyone else but Jesus at that point.
Well Dwain is gone... and I'm glad I never developed any interest in him in THAT way cuz it looks like I'll never see him again. I'll miss the talks though. & I'll miss his daughter. I think that cutie girl is the reason I even spoke to him in the 1st place!
So I'm pretty much starting over where I left off last year when I met him. I swore off relationships & dating. Said it was gonna be 5 years before I date again. Let's get real. I'm not dating til my birthday of 2009. Here it is in bold print... I'M NOT DATING UNTIL NEXT YEAR! So sorry Shemar... we can just be friends for now. Not that I was chasing or looking for that special someone... but I know have need to concentrate my efforts elsewhere. There's a poster above my bed that says it perfectly about the next man that comes into my life.

" A woman's heart should be buried so deep in Christ

that a man should have to seek him first to find her"

So that's where I'll be. If that makes me 'holier than thou' then so be it... deal with it!

Instant Editorial: Obama completes historical triple-play

Much has been made of the fact that Barack Obama accepts the Democratic nomination for president today, on the same date that Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. delivered “I Have a Dream.” The nation should take pride in that 45-year forward stride. But at it turns out, this is the third time Aug. 28 has marked a magical milestone. Because 53 years ago on this date, Jackie Robinson took his initial first step toward breaking baseball’s color line when he first met Branch Rickey.Tinkers-to-Evers-to-Chance was nice. But it doesn’t have anything on Robinson-to-King-to-Obama.
-- Deron Snyder is an Editorial Writer/Conversation Ambassador for The News-Press.

WOW... that is so cool that 3 historical things happen for the African American race on this 1 date. Yeah- I'll have to make sure I watch it tonight.
My mom & I were talking about how she used to save old newspapers for historical dates... like when King was assassinated, the Watergate scandal, I think she also saved when our 1st African American mayor of Chicago( Harold Washington) died in 1987. I guess I'll carry on the trend. I save the paper from Tampa on September 12, 2001. Headlines reading "Target: America" and September 16, 2001 "We Are at War". Those headlines still make me sad today..but I suggested we just cut out the articles & make a scrapbook of them. A can't imagine what a fire hazard a stack of 20 year old newspapers would look like. But these 2001 newsspapers, I'll hold onto the full issues.

All I have... all I know... is me.

I participate on an online bulletin board...mostly about my kids & the relationships we have. There's also a cancer board... but thankfully it's slow going. No one has complained, no one stated any grief with anything I have said, but sometimes I really feel bad that I can't comment to help others out in their situation because I really don't know what it's like to be in their shoes, I just can't wrap my head around their situation because my head is already spinning about my own personal issues. Or because I'm in such a bad/unhappy area in my life I feel like my presence will drag others down as I have nothing good to say.
I have a group that all had kids in the same month... we call that the birth board. We were really tight, posting everyday, sharing jokes, sharing recipes, sending gifts, etc. Somehow my world just turned black & I cannot handle hearing/reading all the happy family news from them. They redecorate their houses while I struggled to hold onto mine ( foreclosure notice went up last week). They complained about their husbands not being home for a night or 2 due to work....you can guess how I felt about that. I'm not hating on them, but I just had to take a break. I go back & read every once in a while, but I honestly cannot keep up because of all the drama I have going on in my own life. My new home on the bulletin board has been the one for single parents. Some are starting to date after a dramatic break-up. Some are scared to start dating again ( or maybe it's just me). Some are dead set on not dating right now... they know they're not in the right place to do so ..... oh, wait... that's where I am. Not in the right place to start dating again.
Just like when I joined the birth board & had trouble remembering people's names, I have the same problems on this board. Some people stick out in my mind though. We seem to have quite a bit in common.
But back to what I was saying... on both boards you have people that post about certain situations in their lives where they need help. I can't help myself. I want to help them, but I actually cringe when I see I've written "When I did that..." or "If I were there..." or "I always wanted". ME ME ME!!! I feel like everyone is going to think that I'm trying to make everything about me... and I'm not. I'm not that self-centered... I guess I just never learned how to effectively communicate that I can relate to certain areas.
And when someone has a problem that I REALLY have no experience with.... it just tears me up that I can't help them. I don't know how. At least I know how to listen when someone just needs to talk. THAT I can appreciate. For quite some time I had been wishing I had someone that would listen to me when I speak... lol... the few moments that I do speak. Well I did make a new friend recently. I listened to them.... they listened to me...we shared a few laughs as well as a few tears. I hope this really is the start of a great friendship.

Goodbye pal

I hate when this happens. Just when I think I've got a new friend, it turns the other way & it's not to be. Or at least not the friendship that I wanted. Earlier this year I met this guy. We talked, we hung out, he helped me w/ issues around the house, I listened & gave advise about his love life or lack thereof. I thought things were going pretty well. We would talk once or twice a week. We saw each other every Sunday at church. Nothing going on between us... just friends. Heck, we didn't even sit together at church so I don't think this was a case where I was getting too close or he was getting too close & then we ran.
What I think happened is he went & got a real GIRLFRIEND. A woman introduced herself to him & they started spending a lot of time together. He didn't talk to me about the other women he was dreamin about anymore.... then soon he didn't talk to me at all. No more phone calls... no more drive by visits. He sits w/her at church now. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. I don't want to be a 3rd wheel.
I'm not hating on him...but just rather disappointed. I was good enough to listen to his stories about his long distance relationships w/ women across the country or out of the country. He gets into 1 locally & I'm basically pushed out. It just would have been nice to know that my friendship w/ him had some sort of value, but like Madea says...people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Guess he was just a season. Hope it works out for him.

YOU ROCK!!

It's nice to have a team of cheerleaders behind you in life. I've never been a big player on a sports team. I've never been in the top 10 percent of the class (top 12 maybe). I can't say I've ever had this experience before...and at the same time it leaves me feeling like "What did I do that was so special?". Today I started my annual fund raising for the American Cancer Society's "Making Strides Against Breast Cancer" event. I posted my personal page for donations on another community bulletin board along with a quick wrap up of all the things I had to face while undergoing cancer treatment (because I'm new & they didn't know me then). I did get a few donations & a big YAHOO post from someone I call a friend:
Ouida - I freakn' BOW TO YOU!!!!! You are so amazing. Every time I read your story I am truly amazed an honored to call you my friend. As all the others have said, it's not just that you beat this..... but that you beat it with your beauty, smarts, and sense of humor in tact!!! You are just amazing!!!! I was so proud to be able to light a luminaria in your honor when my aunt walked in the Relay for Life.
Seriously, whenever I get down, or start to feel sorry for myself, I think of you in that beautiful pink gown, grinning from ear to ear, getting ready to dance the night away, and you keep me out of the pit of depression. Not only did you beat cancer, but you have a kick-azz crazy cool job, you are rasing awesome kids, you deal with a knucklehead ex, and you manager to look like a super-model doing it AND you can maintain a sense of humor through it all!!
ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY OUIDA!!!!!!

LOL- stuff like that really makes my day. I love that I can share my story to get the attention of women across the country (or even the globe) to bring awareness to this cause. I love that because I suffered at a young age my story serves as a reminders that it doesn't only occur after the age of 40... it can happen at any time. I mean I didn't intend to become a Breast Cancer poster child or anything... but if it helps someone else along in their journey then so be it. I had 2 women that helped me during my time & am happy to help anyone else I can in this situation. But you know during times like this where I'm feeling some something (or someone) continually tried to beat me down, others remind me of how smart & strong a woman I am.

I SO TOTALLY ROCK!!

So...if you enjoyed my blog & want to support me in my efforts for the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event...please make your donations here.
Ouida's Making Strides Page

I've also ordered a supply of metal caribeners in the shape of a Pink Ribbon. I used my plain one to hold all my keys & clip it to a belt loop or onto my purse (the few occasions I carry one!) I am selling them online for the cost of $6, and of course all profit goes toward the Making Strides event. If you would like to order one (or ten) please post & let me know. Just wondering if the idea would be worth it for me to establish a Paypal account or not. BTW- there's no inscription on the 1's I ordered.

Mommy..... Grandma.... head!

Let me preface this by saying I love my mom. She has helped me out in so many areas I can't count.... but come on. Sometimes you can take it too far.


























You all remember my son. He's 4 years old & he was recently diagnosed with autism. He has always had an issue with loud noises. We cut his hair for his 1st birthday, but afterward I felt as though we were torturing him with those clippers as he would scream, yell, & cry everytime they were even turned on.... so I allowed him to grow his hair out.

Well I recently decided to start cutting it down to prepare him for frequent trips to the barbershop. No clippers yet, just a low afro. And yes that is the pick w/ the fist in the back of his head...can't rock a 'fro with out for at least a few minutes! lol

Well why did I come home from work the other day & arrive at Grandma's house to find this??

Don't get me wrong... he's still a handsome little boy & this was the ultimate goal anyway, but she didn't even discuss it with me! And of course he cried & screamed at the clippers went around his head, causing him more distress to the point I'm not sure he wants to see grandma anymore. As we got dressed to go to her house for the past 2 days he's whimpered the same statement to me. "Mommy....Grandma, Head" as he rubs where his nice 'fro used to be. He's telling on her. Kinda like "She kicked me" or "He took my doll". He's clearly not happy w/ it.... but at least he is starting the school year w/ a fresh new look. Thanks ma!

Busting a Liar....

So this past weekend was his scheduled visitation weekend. I got this email on Wednesday afternoon:

I will be unable to get the kids this weekend due to the fact that my team has been activated to go to an institution in northern florida I will not be back home until sometime next week, upon my return home I would like to talk with ou about getting them, I don't know if you remebered or not about my responce of their school, I am reminding you that I would like to go before I have to go to work that day, I will let you know exactly when I am home when I am on my way back. Sorry for the short notice

So just out of the blue I happened to call his ex wife in Chicago today to ask her about an unrelated event.... and she tells me how he's on his way BACK to her house to drop off their child. Then he walks in & she handed him the phone.
"Hello"
"Uh... yeah. Hey. So when are you coming back home?
"Huh?"
"When are you coming back home?"
"I'll be home tomorrow."
"Alright then."

She says I made her day being able to witness his face fall to the floor. My problem is not with him taking that vacation.... it's the lying about having to work so he could get out of the visitation. I mean I have had to switch dates with him before.... it shouldn't have been that big a deal where he felt he had to lie to me. OH YEAH... he lies to everyone, I forgot. Plus I'm so big & powerful I would find some way to use this against him, right? EVERYTHING IS ALL ABOUT ME! lol

You know it is just so so so sad that he feels he had to lie about such things. I mean really? At what point did I ever say he couldn't go on vacation? He has been working for more than 1 year... he deserved it. Maybe because he took his new girl to meet the family? I wonder what the reception was like. But anyway....I just don't understand the purpose in lying about this.

Wow... a fun day!

I sent a balloon with a message a few weeks ago..asking for a few new things in my life. 1 thing I really wanted was a friend. Not necessarily a boyfriend or romantic interest, but a friend. Looks like I may have found one!
He's going through pretty much the same thing... a single father of 1 boy dealing with the hurt & pain associated with divorce. He's devoted to his son. Not very often I see a dad devoted to their child that way...I think he may be the 2nd I've come across. Anyway, his son is off on visitation w/ the mom & he's kinda lonely at times. I get kinda lonely too when my kids are away, so I told him whenever he was bored & REALLY wanting to play w/ some kids he could come hang out w/us. Suprising enough to me, he took me up on that offer!

We both live in Florida. The sad thing is that in all this time I STILL have never taken my kids to the beach. They've played in the sand at a lake, but never in the real beach...at the Gulf of Mexico or Atlantic Ocean. They had a ball running back & forth from the water back to their sand toys. I also learned quite a bit about the little critters that live in the sand as well... like sand fleas & coquinas. But wow- a whole 2 hours of nothing but fun for the kids & 2 adults. No tears or tantrums from anyone... that is until it was time to leave!

In the car my friend played a CD that he's in love with... & I think I may have developed a small crush as well, lol. It's the artist Suzanne Vega...& it's basically a greatest hits compilation. It's not music I listen to everyday, but I would listen to it. Then came along I think it was track #4....OMG!!! That's the song I absolutely LOVE from that movie "The Truth About Cats & Dogs". Yeah, the song is called "Caramel". GOD I wish I had that on my iPod right now.
So in short, it was really nice hanging out w/this new friend. It took a while for the kids to warm up to him ( and there's still more warming up to do) but we all had a good time. He's so cool. Now if I ever found out that he's a Monty Python fan I might start thinking of him on another level! lol
Pictures to come...when I have the strength to get the camera out of the bag!