GOOD ANSWER! GOOD ANSWER!

You know how you have those moments when a response to a comment comes to you way after the fact? Then you're like "I should have said blah, blah, blah or whatever"? Yeah...I have a lot of those. Somehow if I'm being sarcastic or not caring about the person's feelings I can answer quickly. Otherwise I always come up with something I should have said after the person is long gone. Today, this Sunday, wasn't one of those moments.... for I came up with the perfect answer in good timing.
A friend came over to help me with some bicycle issues. While talking he notices I'm wearing lipstick... something usually reserved for special occasions. So he asked, "So you have a new man in your life I see". I get that confused look on my face cuz the last thing I'm thinking of at the moment is dragging another man into my sorry life. Then he says " Yeah- you're wearing lipstick! Who's the special man?" Oh yeah... I did put on lipstick this morning.... for who? I quickly the man's name & answered "JESUS CHRIST". I put on my pretty holiday dress & went to church this morning.... the last Sunday of 2007. Here's to a better 2008....Happy New Year everybody!

The kids' Christmas

The kids had a wonderful Christmas... and in return I had a wonderful day after Christmas. I couldn't sleep on Christmas eve. NOt only did I have to wait for them to fall asleep so I could bring out the presents, but I was just hurting & don't know why. I didn't drink any alcohol in the previous days ( even though I wanted to) but both my arms & legs just hurt. So I sat up talking to my friend Dwain. Talking til 5am about everything & nothing. Haven't doen that type of talking since high school!
So of course the kids wake up around 7:30am & immediately go for the presents under the tree. For a single mom that didn't have a lot of $ for presents, they came out pretty good! So much so my son still had stuff under the tree the next day. They had presents unwrapped, but not opened. My son picked up his huge Tonka dump truck & brought it to me... speaking 2 full sentences to me, "Look mommy, a truck! Open it, please". I know one day he will be talking so much that I want him to shut up, but right now I am so please at the progress he is making. He talks with his teeth clinched at times... don't know why.
And my daughter got one of those Bratz dolls heads. Just the head so she can sit & comb the hair while I'm doing hers or whatever. Back in my day it was the Barbie head (even though I never got one!)and it pretty much was just the head & shoulders. Now that it's Bratz, it starts at the waist. So this leads my daughter & I to have one of the 1st of many breast cancer discussions in our lives. She points at the doll's breasts & says
"Mommy, you don't have those anymore do you?"
I laugh to myself & say "No, I don't".
"Why not?"
"Because they made me sick."
I mean she just turned 5... does she really need to hear the words breast cancer yet?
Then she says "Oh... do you feel better now?"
"Yes, baby...I'm feeling a lot better now."
"Good....I love you Mommy".

Then of course I start crying....

Ridin' Dirty!

My boy got his 1st 2 wheeler bike for Christmas! When I 1st brought up the subject, people asked if he was really ready for a 2 wheeler. Hmmmm.... looks like he's handlng it just fine!
We didn't even get dressed before trying it out outside... he couldn't wait. And at 8am on Christmas morning...who's watching? So I let him give it a try down the street a bit. He's so happy to ride a big bike like his sister. Now we can all go riding to the park & maybe momma can loose those huge hips of hers!

NEVER LEAVE YOUR CAMERA UNPROTECTED!

Hmmm... as I look at my photo card this morning I realize we have a phantom photographer in the house....taking pictures of things that mean a lot to her I guess.

My other support group

This week we had a Breast Cancer Survivors support group meeting. They used to meet every 1st & 3rd Monday of the month.... but participation had been dropping off. Not that the members were dropping off... but people were just busy with their own lives. Me in particular, I could not always find suitable babysitting services just so I could have some 'me' time twice a month! LOL. So they've dropped the meetings down to quarters. We get together maybe every 3 months. This time was to celebrate the holidays. It was great seeing all the ladies...sharing the pictures & scrapbook of my Atlanta trip & such. A few days later I heard from one of the members who told me after I left another member made a comment about after all Ouida has been through & is going through.... she's looking good! LOL! I have to laugh...cuz all of a sudden I'm hot! I got a barbie doll that looks like me. I got the attention of a truck driver the other day... and sort of got my flirting ability back ( still not good at it, but it did get me his #), and to hear this comment from this member made my week! She's beautiful herself, and to think she put me on the same level as she makes me feel really good.
Then of course there's my other support group that have been w/ me through thick & thin ( yes I mean my weight). My sisters!



We are 3... & I am the baby. The oldest just moved here over the summer... so I see her maybe 3-4 times a week now. The middle one still lives in Chicago, so she came down to spend a little bit of the holiday with us. And since this is the 1st time since maybe 1986 that I know of that NONE OF US have a man in our lives... I thought I would take the picture & we went out for a drinky-poo! LOL. I never wanted to get drunk like back in my college days any more than I do now....but I know if I do it will pay for it dearly! Me & alcohol no longer get along very well. It's the end of a very long friendship. We're not friends... just passing associates now. Do you know I've have a full bottle of my favorite rums & wines in my cabinet & didn't even realize it!!

So you had a bad day... you've taken 1 down

Name that tune! LOL
Yes, it has been a bad day today. It all started yesterday with a bad headache (amoung other things). I thought it was simply because my ponytail was pulled too tightly to the top of my head. I let it loose when I got home, but it didn't help. I couldn't eat..I didn't want to talk to anyone (big shocker there!), I just wanted to lay down. Good luck w/ 2 kids that just want to play. Suprisingly enough I have 2 very compassionate kids! After making sure my daughter did her homework we went to my room so I could lay down. They actually let me fall asleep while they watched tv & played. Then she comes & puts her blankie over me... the same blankie that she's been carrying around since she was born. The same one during my chemo days when I had a really bad day she toddled over & asked "Mommy sick?" "Yes, mommy sick." Then she put the blankie over me, toddled out of the room & closed the door. OH I LOVE THAT LIL GIRL!
Anyway, so since I can't do hormone replacement therapy & need something to help with these mood swings, sleeplessness, & other symptoms, it was recommended that I begin taking an anti-depressant. I've done the depression thing. I didn't feel I needed to do it again, but I'm willing to try it again. I'm almost desperate for a good night's sleep. So they gave me samples of Lexapro. Things seemed fine the 1st few days, but yesterday the headache started.... and kept growing! UGH!! I've never had anything so debilitating.
This morning I drag myself into work.. thinking I'm just groggy from another horrible nights sleep... and the headache comes back with a vengance! The florescent lights all over the building were getting too bright. I could barely hold my head up. I knew then I had to go home. But how? I knew I was in no condition to drive. Just last month an employee got fired after a reaction to medication that caused her to hit a patrol car. They fined her w/ DUI. I can't afford that. So I walked in to see my LT. As soon as he looked up at me he asked if I was ok. Yeah... I must have really been looking bad. He drove me home. I called the dr. office & explained what I was feeling. After some research they determined 2 things:
1) that I should not have taken the Lexapro at the same time as my other medications and
2)or better yet... I should not have taken Lexapro at all due to the medications I'm also taking!

Instructions are to stop taking it & we'll try again on Monday. In the meantime.. it's time for me to go lay down again after my 2nd dose of painkillers. UGH!!! It's always something w/me, isn't it?

It's 3am I must be lonely....

Wasn't there a song w/ that line? I don't feel like Googling it right now. I find this very frustrating. Frustrating but this will be my life for a while. Sleeplessness if one of the symptoms of menopause. I saw the dr. yesterday...we went over the results of the blood test & he wanted to do an ultrasound of my uterus... TMI, right? Well it's a good thing we did. The scan revealed 2 cysts on my ovaries...1 of which is the same size as my uterus! AHHH!!! I had ovarian cysts before... or at least one. It was PAINFUL & made me sick for 3 days. I wonder why it's not happening this time?



Why am I up at 3am on a Wednesday morning. Usually I have to sleep for work the next day, but this Wednesday is my baby girl's 5th birthday! OH MAN she's growing so fast. I can remember the events leading up to her delivery date. I was on bed rest due to preeclampsia. I was told my B/P was getting too high so they scheduled me for induction on 12/13/02... a Friday. OH NO! I do not want my baby born on Friday the 13th. Get me in on the 12th or 14th! The nurse refused....& somehow I worried myself into labor. She was born at 11:33pm.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL!

And oh yeah... it only took me 10 years to get the hang of that hair braiding thing!

But anyway....the lonely thing. Yeah, sometimes I am I guess. It's funny how people can tell you " You're funny", "You're very pretty", you're all those usual qualities that people would look for in a mate...yet it's hard to find a match. I guess that's why the internet dating thing it such big business. I haven't gotten to the point of needing to pay a service to find someone for me. I need to be concentrating on myself anyway. But you know.... sometimes I wish I had that someone to talk to before I went to sleep... on the few nights I CAN fall asleep. Would be nice just to have an adult hug once in a while. I'm learning... I can let people hug me every once in a while...it's not so bad anymore.

OH OH YEAH!! I just learned today how my superiors don't listen to anything I say about my personal life. My husband moved out in May, 2007. That's means we're seperated, right? I know over the course of the summer I've talked several times about changing my name... taking my maiden name back....& no one really said anything. When 2 guys in the office were getting married they talked about bachelor parties & wedding planners. I talked about divorce planners....what a great job that would be for me once I'm done w/mine! I could hear the crickets sing. So I just stopped talking to them. The news paper article about in in October had my maiden name, but no one really said anything about it. My Making Strides Against Breast Cancer webpage clearly stated that over the summer I began living the life of a single mother...but no one caught that. The head of the dept. sent emails wanting RSVPs for the christmas party. I stated it'll just be me & the kids...for the rest of my life. No repsonse.
Today as I showed off my scrapbook of the Atlanta trip, somehow the secretary & I got on the topic of name changes...and the light bulb finally clicked on. He says," Uh, Ouida.... what's going on? Something you want to tell me? You're making changes?" Yes sir....I'm getting divorced... been pretty much talking about it since May!
Maybe I should have just put it on a post-it note.

It's Official.... I'm Beautiful!

You know I have GOT to be something special when you find a Barbie doll that looks like you!

I'm so glad I found this. In times like these I need the "pick me up" to remind me that I still have it going on as other things seem to be decreasing.

I finally found a ob/gyn dr. to listen to me. For years I have been complaining about the same things, & had been told it's all in my mind... it'll go away. Or lately it's a side affect of the chemo... it'll go away. Well this isn't going away! Night sweats, hot flashes, irritability, mood swings, & most important (to some) a dwindling libido. FINALLY this wonderful Dr. Fleishman listened to my complaints & ran a blood test. I got the results today.... I am perimenopausal! AT 36 years old I'm in the early stages of menopause! Now I finally get to be mean to people, telll them what I really think of them & have a good excuse besides PMS!